REBOUNDERS, BEWARE!

If you have decided, immediately following your divorce, that it is high time to find the next spouse, think again.  Recent studies have confirmed that marriage success rates for second marriages evolving from rebounds often have a significantly higher probability of failure as did the first marriage.  Veteran Star magazine and NY Daily News relationship expert and astrologer, Jennifer Angel, cautions:

1. Do you want desperately to fill the love-void at any cost?
2. Does your new love look like a dead ringer for your first spouse, or have the same traits?
3. Are you falling into the same bad traps as with the first spouse?

Chances are you will be heading from the frying pan into the fire if you are jumping into marriage too soon after going through a rough divorce.  You need to understand your reasons for wanting to marry so quickly.  Some people are in such a rush to remarry, either for their kids, families, the Jones’, etc., that they even set a quick wedding date in their head soon after meeting the first person they date after their divorce is final.  Or maybe they start dating even before their divorces are final…whatever the reason, rebounders need validation that they are good people, and often subconsciously look for relationships or traits that mirror their first marriages, instead of listening to what their heart is telling them about their true love feelings.  Infatuation dies early on in marriage, the dust settles and resentment starts to set in. 

THE REBOUND PARTNER MAY BE  TOO NEEDY, LOOKING FOR AN INSTANT SPOUSE REPLACEMENT, RIGHT AFTER, OR DURING, THEIR DIVORCE, AND YOU MAY BECOME THE VICTIM OF INSINCERITY

Cathy Meyer, a therapist who has written extensively about rebound relationships, cautions against marrying a rebounder.  Meyer says that the person you are about to marry is needy and vulnerable, and may be marrying as a coping mechanism, instead of dealing with internal conflicts directly.  Rebounders choose the easy way out, convincing themselves that remarriage to the first person they meet is the answer; that the rebound marriage will solve all their problems.  It isn’t.  Marriage will only get worse, and harder for the rebounder(s) if they don’t deal with their emotions before pursuing another marriage.  Meyer says that the new relationship is the extreme cover up of what may actually be going on inside of that person.

AVOID BEING THE RESCUER OR YOU MAY BE VULNERABLE TO ANOTHER DIVORCE

While rescuing friends and loved ones after divorce is admirable, know that the person pursuing you and the rebound relationship is relying on you to rescue them.  Not a good place for you to be because you are vulnerable to instability in the form of waffling actions and feelings; and the other person distancing themself from you when things get hard or when the infatuation wears off.  The new rebound spouse may be a fill-in for the person who your partner truly loved, but never dealt with properly.  Your partner may be searching for the void, resulting in a true tragedy if you realize early into your marriage that it all happened too quickly, and without careful time spent really getting to know the other person.  Rebound marriages (engagements that occur typically within one year after meeting someone) rarely maintain a sustained love by both parties. 

REBOUND MARRIAGES HAVE HISTORICALLY LACKED SUSTAINED ROMANCE OR PASSION, AS WELL-KNOWN ANALYSTS REPORT

Yes, this is true.  Meyer warns that a quick rebound marriage is a result of an attempted quick fix for problems that were never properly resolved, and a quick attraction that can’t be sustained because it was never real at the core in the first place.  The lack of romantic feelings you may have felt for your first spouse may come back the second time around.  What a shame it would be to one day wake up and discover that you were really never in love with this second spouse, but used them as a band-aid, as well-known author and psychologist, Gilda Carle, reiterates.

IT’S POSSIBLE YOU ARE STILL THINKING ABOUT YOUR EX LOVE SO MUCH THAT IT TAKES OVER YOUR THOUGHTS IN YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE

An experienced and brilliant therapist with a large national following, Denise Young, once told me that the “more you tell yourself NOT to think about someone the more you do”.  If you can’t get your mind off your previous love you must come to terms with the fact that you are still in love with that other person, and deal with the feelings before your life begins to unravel again, becoming so unsettling that your health suffers.  Many people enter rebound relationships just to try to cure a difficult situation or to quickly forget.  Again, Denise Young says–”it isn’t that easy.  Especially if you were in love with the love of your life, and for a few decades.  How can you get over that person?  Why did you walk away?  You were perfect together.  You, and you, alone, must come to terms with that person before you can move on like that relationship never existed.  If your previous relationship lasted so long and the love was so strong there must have been a magnetic force keeping your love alive.  That love will usually stand the test of time”, says Young.

DECIDE WHETHER YOU WANT TO REMARRY QUICKLY AFTER THE DIVORCE

You may have been married almost twenty years to someone else whom you got to know intimately well.  But now you are content just jumping into something that you aren’t really deep down comfortable with in your heart?  Below are tips from the professionals about shopping for Spouse #2, and knowing when the time is right, and not just a big distraction:

1. Do you or do you think your partner still thinks about the former love constantly, especially at the end of the day, longing for what you had that was so perfect?
2. Have you noticed your partner having difficulty losing weight, or seems unmotivated to get in shape due to the unresolved feelings of the previous relationship?  Has his or her confidence gone down a lot since their divorce?
3. Have you read the unabridged copy of your partner’s divorce documents?  Divorce documents are open to the public and fairly easy to get at any county court house.  You want to make sure all the pages are still in the file, because the papers are public and can be tampered with or confiscated from the physical file.  Divorce documents will possibly reveal affairs, behavior patterns, pornography, alcohol or sex addictions, abuse, etc…. You may want to read divorce documents with a grain of salt, but some additional knowledge over what you already know will be very beneficial.
4. Remember, most importantly, that there are two sides to the story; not just your partner’s side.  Have you been brave enough to ask to meet your partner’s first spouse?   You should meet the first spouse, and if you already have, does he or she look just like you?  Or act like you, or have the same taste in clothes, same body shape, same decorating taste, etc.?  Have you talked with your partner’s first spouse about their feelings about your partner and the cause of their divorce or the reason for their marriage?  Although there are always two sides to every story, you want to err on the side of caution this time around, minimizing your chances for another failed marriage.  If you are too similar to your partner’s ex that could be a warning for what may go wrong in your marriage to that person.
5. Does your partner feel a sense of urgency just to get married?  For the sake of kids, or social circles, maybe a job?  Did you get engaged at a very specific time, like exactly one year after your divorces, or exactly one year after meeting?  Or right before some big event in your lives?  This, too, could be a warning sign of a potentially doomed relationship, or a wedding that seems staged for children or family and friends.
6. Do you really know what your partner craves or needs, deep down?  It takes years to learn all you can about a person, and then you may still not know the real person.  If your love is really true you will always know what their partner needs and how to show them their needs are being met by you.
7. Is it possible that your partner is really just eager to show the world that he or she wasn’t at fault in their first marriage, and that the new marriage with you will prove that?  Usually marital breakdowns are a result of two people, and not just one person.  Again, rushing in may be the first sign of disaster.  Remember how your first marriage went wrong, and don’t repeat what you learned the first time around.
8. How did your partner’s first marriage end?  Did it end amicably?  You can tell a lot about a person’s true character when times are bad.  So in the case of the first marriage, did your partner abandon their first partner, without having any conversation, for the person to discover some other way?  How were problems dealt with?  People that quickly walk away from one relationship are often the same people who quickly walk into another relationship.
9. Does your partner remember your birthday and holidays?  Does he or she seem sincerely interested in you and all that goes on, good and bad, in your life, or are you there to just take care of them and their needs?  If they can’t be generous or remember you and your birthday or holidays, or other meaningful days, they are holding back, and you need to determine the reason.
10. Does your partner talk about having more children, when between the two of you, there are already several children?  How will you afford to pay for all of these children, who will need to go to college, especially if you are still supporting your ex?  Voids can be easily fixed by just having more kids; but having additional kids is not the solution to the void.  Therapy and couples relationship counseling may help, but having more kids will not help.

A TOUCHING AND MEMORABLE PERSONAL STORY

About twenty years ago, I met a much older man named named Steve, while I was on vacation with my girlfriend, who told me that he once almost made the mistake of his life by almost marrying a woman right after his own divorce.  More than anything, Steve wanted a stepmother for his children because of all the guilt he felt.  Though Steve found a woman who seemed to be a carbon copy of Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music, a friend recommended that Steve look at her divorce documents, to make sure Steve wasn’t making a rash decision.

Though at first astonished that his friend would even recommend that Steve look at his partner’s divorce papers, Steve decided one day that maybe it would be safer for him going into his second marriage without having second thoughts, and by reading his mate’s divorce documents he would feel more secure.  What Steve discovered while reading her file kept him up all night that night.  Surprisingly, the only thing his partner asked from her first spouse in the divorce was to maintain her membership dues at her country club, and money for monthly highlights to maintain her light blond hair.  She also mentioned that she didn’t like the way her ex wrapped birthday presents that would be presented at little kids’ birthday parties, and that going forward, she would expect nice gift-wrapping for all birthday presents.  There was absolutely nothing in the documents about her bond with her children, or their emotional well-being!  She showed that she was out for herself, and not for anyone else, including her kids.

Steve started thinking about all the clubs this woman joined when going through her divorce, and really beforehand.  Steve saw the writing on the wall—she just wanted to find a spouse that would fit the ticket for her image, and cared less about who that person really was on the inside.

Steve couldn’t believe what he was reading.   I was surprised when Steve told me that he decided to contact her ex to see if what he was reading and interpreting was actually true.  Her ex confirmed that these were the demands and sentiments of the woman; and in fact, the woman had engaged in a short-term affair with another man she believed had more money than her ex.  I asked Steve at what point did he realize that he should back out of the relationship.

On his way way home from his partner’s ex-husband’s house Steve said he asked himself over and over, ”Is this is going to be the woman that I really want to be the stepmother of my children?  This otherwise really pretty ordinary woman, both in looks and in personality, who I learned, along the way, had very little money from her ex, a pretty dead-end job, and who personified herself as a true child-loving family-minded and conservative woman with good values who lived in a nice part of town, turned out to be a self-centered gold-digger, looking simply to find a middle-aged man with a good job, who could give her the grand house and lifestyle of her dreams, which was fine except for the part about her true colors and motivations for marrying me.”  Steve asked himself, “What had I done with my life, and what kind of values did I come to have?”  Luckily, Steve said he backed out in time, before the repeat of his first marriage occured.  A few years later Steve married a wonderful person, who he realized in the process of healing, truly loved him for all of his qualities, not just for his job, grand house and car, and was a kind and compassionate person, who Steve never had the chance to marry when they were young; Steve married his college sweetheart, a woman he is so thankful he has every single day.  I will never forget this story.

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RETAIL TRENDS FOR COLLEGE SHOPPERS THIS YEAR DIFFERENT FROM LAST:

1. Free shipping offers, as opposed to monthly or weekly sales right now — actually, only a few sales right now—this is the peak season for stores and when they expect to do their biggest business:

• Positive: You’ll save hundreds of dollars in shipping
• Negative: You will have to wait 2 weeks or more to get your goods; you don’t have the time to wait—even with the big box retailers, or discount places, like Wal-mart and Target.  My advice, based on trial and error is to avoid driving to a store to pick up the shipped good, (Container Store) even if the shipping is free—will take too much time. They never seem to have your goods waiting for you when you arrive at your scheduled “time slot”.

2. Assembly required on most items:

• Positive: You’ll save money because you need to assemble
• Negative: Many of this year’s products are not easy to assemble. Also, dorm rules are getting stricter about nailing things into walls—they may fine you and it isn’t easy for college kids to repair walls when they leave.

THE LATEST TRENDS, HITS AND MISSES IN EVERYTHING FOR YOUR DORM ROOM

1. Bedding Sets: Best overall deals in decent quality bedding come in color-coordinated sets this season. Wal-mart has sets from $35-55. Some of their sets include 11 pieces for $55, including a carrying case that doubles as a hamper. If you like color-coordinated sets this is the way to go. Can’t beat the price. Quick-drying towels a must for space-saving, drying quickly and having fewer laundry loads.
2. Skip Decorative Boxes, ranging from $15-25 each; meant to also be used to carry your belongings to and from the car. Personally, I would skip the boxes. For no money you can go to your local grocery store to get big cardboard boxes or go through your garage, and then fill in with some inexpensive Glad or Rubbermaid containers with lids.
3. Functional Wall Accessories: Wall Functionality is key this year, as many of the newest wall and desk accessories provide function and storage.  Pottery Barn Teen is selling a wide variety of fun, colorful accessories.
4. Closets have space-saving rods and places to put sweaters, shoes, and accessories: Hottest trend is extension closet rods, with places for hanging accessories, shoes and sweaters.
5. Decorative, Functional Desks: Cool looking art objects that double have holders for paper, pens, supplies
6. Cooking Ware: Many dorms are no longer allowing microwaves—alternatives are easy plug-in hot pots, and pizza makers—let’s face it, late night studying means pizza in dorm rooms.

SHOPPING ALERT! —Many colleges are trying to save money on electricity –they are prohibiting microwaves and refrigerators for the first time, but are providing things like garbage cans that you don’t need to buy—check with your school ahead of time, and try to coordinate with your roommate to save some money and avoid duplicating and overdoing it.

Some of my favorite dorm room picks, including the latest trends in everything for your dorm room:

FROM BED, BATH & BEYOND:

For the Shower

Hot Pot

Handbag Storage Rack

Hanger Extension

FROM POTTERY BARN TEEN:

Wire magazine rack

Desk Accessories

Closet Storage for Sweaters

Wall Note Holder

FROM WAL-MART:

Pizza Maker

Basketball Hoop for Over the Door

11-piece Bedding Set

FROM THE CONTAINER STORE:

Double Hang Closet Rod

FROM POTTERY BARN:

Photo Rolodex Frame Cadre in 4×6″: $69

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BANK REFINANCING RATES THE BEST IN 50 YEARS

That’s what you see over and over in the press.  True.  Yes, the cash-strapped can win big when refinancing right now, saving money over the life of your mortgage, or so we’ve been led to believe.  But wait.  There’s a catch.  In effect in most states now:

APPEALING YOUR REAL ESTATE TAXES WILL NOW REQUIRE YOU TO GET AN APPRAISAL, OR TO SHOW ANY APPRAISAL YOU HAVE GOTTEN IN THE PAST THREE YEARS

Wow.  So if you have had your home appraised for refinancing purposes, that appraisal will come in most likely at much more than what you paid for your house possibly years ago.  Your higher appraised home will hurt your ability to now get your real estate taxes lowered, ever.  Especially if you get all the way to your appeals court.  The counties will do anything to get revenue and property taxes are one of the best ways to recover the financial losses over the past few years.

HOME APPRAISALS MEAN A HUGE GAMBLE IF YOU WANT TO EVER TRY TO APPEAL YOUR ALREADY HIGH PROPERTY TAXES

Counties across America are getting smarter.  They are coming down hard on people who claim they are overpaying for taxes relative to their neighbors.  Too many people are hiring too many lawyers and the courts are overflowing with real estate tax appeal cases.  With states and counties feeling cash-strapped, they are looking for any way to collect more taxes.  Your county knows that if you are required to submit your appraisals done within the past three years you will be less likely to try to get your real estate taxes lowered.

Something important to consider when deciding whether or not to refinance.  Don’t learn after the fact.

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OUR LOVE OF PERFUME

I just realized that my most favorite perfume I’ve worn over the past several years no longer smells appealing to me.  It seems to smell different from the way I remember it.  But I just don’t want to make a mistake by throwing it out (I hate to throw out sentimental possessions) and buying a $60-75 bottle of perfume that I will not like after wearing for the first time.   The $30 billion a year perfume industry just seems to grow annually, even during a recession.  Since antiquity, with its creation in Egypt, women have made perfume a part of their daily rituals.  Perfume is popular because it can heighten our senses in a way nothing else can accomplish.  Our familiar scents can be associated with comfort, closeness and intense passion.  The perfume industry is highly secretive, with little known facts as to how perfume is made or what makes some perfumes astronomically expensive.

PERFUME SCENTS ARE SHORT-LIVED

Perfumes can last for, on average, five years.  You need to keep perfumes stored in a dry, dark and cool, but not cold, place.  Sunlight and heat can alter the smell.  If you see any brown thickening, the perfume is going bad.  But don’t get rid of your perfumes until you really notice their smells changing.  As we get older, our sense of smell changes, so recognize that your own sense of smell can make the perfume’s scent change over time.  Once you open a perfume bottle, it starts to “age.”

On your body, smell will last longer if your body is moisturized.  If your skin is dry, the perfume’s smell will evaporate more quickly.  A fact I didn’t realize–I thought the opposite was true.  Applying perfume lower on your body will make the smell last longer than closer to the face, where the smell is likely to rise and go away.  Blondes seem to not have as much luck as brunettes when it comes to lingering smell on their bodies.  Blondes do better with floral perfumes that keep their smell longer than other kinds of fragrances.

Citrus scents last the least amount of time, though popular, because citrus perfumes are made from some fresh ingredients.  For men, after shave has the least amount of oils, and therefore evaporates the quickest of all fragrances.  Age is also a factor in determining how a scent will last on your body.

PERFUME VS. COLOGNE–WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?

Cologne is less expensive than perfume because it is more watered down.  Also, colognes tend to use Butane, which waters down the lasting scent.  Good perfume contains 20% of essential perfume oils, a higher content of oil than found in cologne.  Because of these reasons, colognes are generally less expensive than their perfume counterparts.

Cologne is more popular than perfume because cologne is less expensive than perfume, and because cologne comes with a spray nozzle that make it quick and easy to apply.  Imitation perfumes that you can find at places like Walgreen’s and Imitation Perfume.com may smell just like the original perfumes (and cost much less), but the Butane and other ingredients contained in the imitation scents will cause the smell to change over time, not resembling the original designer label.  Alcohol is used to give off the smell in the environment, so the better perfumes have a high content of alcohol.

THE COST OF MAKING AND SELLING PERFUME

Advertising dollars are the biggest expense when it comes to producing perfume.  The next greatest expense is fancy packaging.  Stores then mark up perfume, on average, 60-100%.  Anywhere from 50-100 ingredients can go into a bottle of perfume, but the number of ingredients in a bottle shouldn’t greatly affect the price.

TIPS TO KEEP THE SCENT STAY ALIVE LONGER ON YOUR BODY

Know that fragrances will last on your body a maximum of 4 hours

Putting a few drops of perfume on your body while taking a bath will keep the scent alive longer

Don’t keep fragrances on your body for more than a few hours–you will need to start over from scratch to maintain the scent

Perfume in spray bottles lasts longer than perfume stored in a basic bottle—you don’t want air to get to the perfume

Natural scents spoil more quickly than do scents derived from essential oils

Don’t waste your fragrances—put a few drops in your shampoo or conditioner

For more information, visit www.fragrance.org/faq.php

Image: Yvonne Hemsey/Liaison/Getty Images

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I have also been in this rut.  I vowed when the stock market crashed last year that I would explore new retailers, and new ways of shopping; I’ve been surprisingly happy with the results I came up with.

GET OUT OF YOUR SHOPPING RUT

After recently shopping at Costco (and renewing my membership for a whopping $50) I realized why I signed up in the first place.  My son likes their chocolate cake.  That’s it.  That’s the only reason.  And I paid $50 for that privilege to buy that one cake, one time.

In a recent radio show I hosted with the Miserly Mom, Jonni McCoy, listeners learned why Costco isn’t the price leader for many household products we assume must be cheaper because of their massive bundled quantities.  You don’t need to be a repeat shopper.  There may be other better ways to shop.  You don’t need to pay anymore to belong to a “club”.  Save your money.

SOME OF MY PERSONAL FAVORITE SITES FOR SAVING MONEY

Amazon.com: Yes, Amazon.com.  In the past, I just couldn’t understand how to shop Amazon, their confusing return policies or anything else on Amazon.  And yes, Amazon was known for its many confusing return policies.  But now, years later, Amazon has done something ingenious, ahead of the others.  Amazon now is banking on your buying into an annuity plan—that’s right; so if you are willing to have the same products (Amazon sells everything so you can buy absolutely anything, including household cleaning supplies and groceries) each month, you will get a 15% discount on everything, and shipping is free.  This is a great deal if you always use the same products, as I do.

Alice.com: Alice.com is the place to go for groceries, toiletries and anything you can imagine buying for the house.  Through Alice, you buy directly from the manufacturer, reducing the middle man and shipping is free always.  I have seen savings on products up to 20% off what I pay at other stores.

KGB: I am addicted to KGB.  A friend of mine told me about this great service.  If you need to know answers to any questions you have immediately, text KGB at 542542 for an immediate answer, for only $.99.  I have used them when I have a hard time finding information online, or am away from my computer but need to know something right away.  Their agents seem to know how to get you exactly the answers you are looking for, in almost every category, instantly.

COOKWARE.COM: When I told a friend of mine recently that I needed to buy some new pans for my kitchen, she asked me how I can buy heavy pans, and carry them down the street, as I walk from place to place.  She told me that she almost always orders heavy kitchen gadgets and appliances online so she doesn’t have to carry them.  So I became hooked on Cookware.com.  Cookware.com is a site for all things cooking-related.  As I have price-shopped online for everything in my kitchen, I have found Cookware.com easy to shop, often a price leader, with ongoing sales, and free shipping if you spend more than $69.  Items come quickly and I am no longer pulling muscles from all the carrying.

CARDPOOL.COM: I now know that one of the beauties of the holiday season are all the unused gift cards people have months afterwards.  This means big savings for me.  For 10-20% off, you can buy unused gift cards from every store you can imagine, from California Pizza Kitchen (15% off), Game Stop (10% off), Jamba Juice (my favorite for 15% off), J. Crew (10% off), and Hyatt (12% off).  The prices are always guaranteed and shipping is free.  Receive up to 30% off, and get back up to 90% of the value of the card you are selling.  This is a win-win for all; but you just have to constantly remind yourself to check out the site before going out shopping.  I especially like buying AMC movie gift cards, and saving 10-20% on them.

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GET RID OF YOUR OLD NON-STICK FRYING PANS?

Before you make any rash decisions, consider the facts: At high heat, which non-stick frying pans are prone to reacting to by getting even hotter, the coating on the non-stick frying pan breaks apart, causing toxic particles and cancer-causing gasses to be emitted–these gasses and particles can cause extreme illnesses, even thyroid disease, according to the Environmental Working Group (EWG), a prominent nonprofit environmental research and advocacy organization, financed by the Rockefeller family, among other well-known families.  Teflon has been known to kill birds because of its toxicity.

Companies like DuPont say that there is no real risk to consumers of non-stick products.  DuPont claims that the release of toxins only happens at extremely high temperatures, not normal cooking temperatures.  That said, one of the qualities of non-stick surfaces is that they are prone to getting hotter, quickly, even as the stove begins to cool down.

The good news (or maybe not) is that the US government has not recalled any Teflon product…yet. 90% of all Americans, according to the Food and Drug Administration have the chemical in their body, whether or not it comes from the non-stick products is another question.

Manufacturers have agreed to phase out all non-stick surfaces by 2015.  The health risks of keeping them on the market are too great.

ECO-FRIENDLY FRYING PANS REPLACING THE NON-STICKS

While most non-stick frying pans are safe only up until about 500 degrees, the newer eco-friendly frying pans are safe to 850 degrees.  Quite a difference.  The non-stick surface used is ceramic, not Teflon.  The ceramic coating is called Thermolon.  With these new non-stick pans, 50% -60% fewer gasses are released as with the Teflon pans.

The good news: When the eco-friendly pans came out a few years ago they were extremely expensive, starting at over $30.  Recently, the pans have come down in price to starting at under $20, and are available at stores like Target and Macy’s.

CONSUMER FEEDBACK ON THE ECO-FRIENDLY NON-STICKS

Feedback has been encouraging, as we move towards more environmentally safe products, in general.  The negative comments that keep popping up are: the difficulty in cleaning the surfaces of these new frying pans, the thin layer of coating that seems to wear away fairly soon, another safety hazard.

Another note about the manufacturers–many of these new eco-friendly products are made in China, a country with an abysmal record on safety when using toxic chemicals.

You may just want to hold on to a few of your old pans until some of these kinks get worked out.

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Many moms share things that a predator would want to know, like their favorite stores and restaurants.  Many list their political affiliations or make implications of leading a much more glamorous life than they actually do.  Many of these mothers and daughters, alike, are hungry to create a false impression of themselves or are just hungry for the sexual attention they may ordinarily lack.

CAREFULLY DESIGNED FACEBOOK PAGES ARE DESIGNED TO MAKE OTHERS BELIEVE YOU ARE POPULAR

If you look at any given user’s page on Facebook, you will see not only a picture, but also a number count of their friends, as if having 200 friends on Facebook is a milestone achievement in one’s life.  The problem with the term “Friends” as used on Facebook is that you can become “friends” by association.  Your personal business, like whether you vote Democrat or Republican, or where you like to eat or shop, or your kids’ hobbies, is published for all 400 million viewers to see.  Your information becomes part of your “friends’”, and their friends’, etc.

Facebook allows those who want badly to connect with their old friends and loved ones the chance to see and be part of their lives, somehow, without actually experiencing the relationship and without having to call them directly, for whatever reason.  Going to a person’s page on Facebook satisfies any cravings, or concerns about contacting these people from their past directly, for fear of rejection or worries about bringing up  possibly painful memories.

SERIOUS AND CITED DANGERS OF PARTICIPATING IN FACEBOOK

More than 400 million people now subscribe to Facebook from all over the world.  Over 6,000 sexual predators recently were discovered to have accounts on Facebook, and though they have been banned from using Facebook, it is possible for them to get in through different means, by hiding their true identities.

Facebook requires all users to be over 13.  The truth is, thought, that many of these subscribers are younger than 13, but have managed to get an account.  It is easy to do so.  And these sexual predators are still active and out there.

As many mothers are exaggerating the kinds of lives they lead, either by their glamorizing their pictures or by displaying their enormous list of ”friends” or hobbies, so are the numbers of false profiles created by criminals you wouldn’t want associating with your children.

The knowledge people can learn from going to your page can hurt you, either through spamming (60% are spammed regularly as a result of having a Facebook account), giving doctors, like psychiatrists access to all of your personal information (something the American Medical Association cautions against), or lawyers using it against the other side in a divorce, among other reasons.  Unfortunately, postings made on social networking sites can also be used to make an ex-spouse, or partner, jealous.

DAUGHTERS FOLLOWING MOTHERS’ POOR JUDGMENT

The irony with mothers showing concern over their teen daughter’s fascination with Facebook is that many of these mothers are also fascinated with Facebook.  According to the San Francisco Chronicle, more than 20% of all teens recently polled said that they check their Facebook accounts more than 12 times a day.  70% of their parents are extremely worried about their children’s obsession with Facebook, and yet these same parents, mostly mothers, are befriending their teen’s “friends”  on their own Facebook page.  Teens need to know, especially teen daughters, that there is no substitute for having a real relationship; not one created  or imagined through social networking sites like Facebook.

Limits need to be set with teenagers, over the use of time on these sites and whether or not teens are responsible enough to have accounts on the sites.  Emphasizing the reasons why your children should stay away from these sites is key to helping your child understand the safety they need to have at all times online.  Show your daughters responsible behavior and lead by example.

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Fast food places, like Chipotle, carry long lines out the door, with kids and their parents, believing they have found a new lower calorie, healthy alternative to fast food.  A few years ago after the movie, Super Size Me, came out my kids decided that they would no longer eat fast food.  The movie painted a very bad picture of fast food, and what it can do to your weight and overall health.  It seemed that many kids decided to stop eating fast food as a result of watching this movie.  Then in NY a few years ago, restaurants came under fire for serving unhealthy choices, and not alerting their customers about the nutritional contents.  As a result, NY restaurants are now required to post all nutritional information in a highly visible place for their customers to see when ordering their fast food.

How should you navigate your way around fast food?  It is inevitable that we will need to grab fast food once in awhile.

FAST FOOD MYTHS

Mexican fast food places, like Chipotle, are often viewed as offering healthier options than the traditional standby’s, McDonald’s and Wendy’s.  Chipotle lets you decide what you want on your burritos, which makes people feel like they are eating fresh made, made-to-order food that isn’t processed.  Here’s the bad news and the startler–if you look at this wonderful nutritional post for Chipotle you will see what the fat and calorie count is for the exact type of combination you order.  The average burrito has over 1,500 calories, and many options have over 2,000 calories.  The Burrito Bowl is a better way to go, so you can skip the fattening tortillas, but get all the protein and other healthy ingredients–just watch the cheese, sour cream, guacamole and, of course, leave off all the onions.

McDonald’s has gotten a bad rap since the Super Size Me movie came out.  Since then, McDonald’s has gone to great strides to beef up their health contents.  Rated by Health magazine as one of America’s healthiest fast food options, McDonald’s actually now cooks their fries in Canola Oil, and offers smaller portions than some other fast food chains.  Some of the healthier options at McDonald’s include the Egg McMuffin, grilled chicken sandwich and wraps.  Stay away from the Super Sized options.

Italian food and noodles have gotten a bad reputation in the past few years for being high in carbs.  But Health magazine says Noodles and Company is actually one of the healthiest fast food chains around.  With high protein options, and whole wheat pasta dishes, you can’t go wrong here.  For picky eaters, like my son, Edward, there are Asian dishes, Italian dishes and American.  The pasta dishes aren’t prepared in much oil.  Watch the desserts here, though.

Sandwiches have become popular as a healthy fast food alternative offered in places like Corner Bakery, Au Bon Pain and Panera.  If overstuffed, those sandwiches can inch up towards 1,000 calories.  These chains do offer reduced portions, though, a huge plus.  Au Bon Pain has a nice selection of soups and appetizer-sized plates worth trying.

Image Credit: asbalyan @ Flickr

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HOW THE CREDIT CARD ACT OF 2009 AFFECTS YOUR KIDS AND CHARGING

In February, the Credit Card Act of 2009 went into effect to limit a credit card’s ability to charge high interest rates and service fees.  Kids and especially kids in college were trapped with high balances and high interest rates.  Kids and credit cards have always been a risk to credit card companies, and to their parents, of course.

KIDS UNDER 21 NOW NEED CO-SIGNERS

To limit risk to credit card companies kids will now need a co-signer, thankfully.  Colleges are not allowed to provide credit card stands with nice-looking gifts given to students who fill out credit card applications.  Many children will be tied to their parents, financially, until after college or grad school, so teaching financial responsibility now will save problems later on in life, when debt typically goes up.  Credit card companies have historically sought to entice kids with credit cards from a young age, when they can start a pattern of charging.

KIDS NEED CREDIT CARD SPENDING RULES

Some parents are imposing strict rules about when a child can use the credit card.  A good rule of thumb for charging on the credit card is that anything over $50 must be approved by the parents.  Kids need to walk through the credit scoring process, and understand how having a credit card will both help and hurt their credit scores, even years down the line.  John Whitcomb, a Medical Doctor, and author of “Capitate Your Kids” recommends not only imposing spending limits, but also spending limits in different categories, like clothing and living expenses; and not using the card as a loan to repay later.  Half of all college students have real credit card debt; the average is more than $3,000.

CREDIT CARDS THAT OFFER GOOD BENEFITS FOR STUDENTS

Though I am not saying I recommend giving kids credit cards, when used properly there are some good options.  Citi mtvU Platinum Select Visa Card for College Students gives points back when you pay on time and don’t go over your credit card limit.  Good grades will earn you 2,000 points twice a year.  Points are redeemable for gift cards, travel and electronics.  There is no annual fee.  These benefits are not only enticing to a college student; they are also a good offer these days.

PREPAID CREDIT CARDS

Similar to gift cards, you pay for a prepaid credit card up front.  The child can spend only up to the limit of the card.  Cards can be issued in the child’s name and money can be deposited into the account.  These cards are used like a Visa or Mastercard.  Prepaid cards are safer than cash because if the card is lost the account can be frozen.  There are no high interest rates or late fees with prepaid credit cards.  The one downside of getting a prepaid credit card is the activation fee you might be charged at the onset.  Also, if you use the card at the ATM you will be charged a fee, which will lower your available balance.  Good prepaid credit cards right now are the UPside Visa Prepaid Card and Current by Discover, which allows parents to restrict certain kinds of spending on the cards.

Prepaid cards are personally my favorite “credit card” option for kids, and I feel they are ultimately safer for kids, especially kids with large spending habits. The up to $50 a year can be a high price to pay in maintenance fees, but the fees are well worth the price tag if it reigns in spending.

VIRTUAL SPENDING AND KWEDIT

I read an interesting article recently in the New York Times about our young kids and virtual spending.  Virtual spending is a $1 billion industry.  The beauty with many virtual businesses is that these companies are really not selling anything of value.  Kids get hooked on Internet games, as with Kwedit, and can pay their bills for their virtual purchases at any 7-Eleven, using cash; 7-Eleven then notifies Kwedit that the child paid for their purchase.  Kids don’t need any parental control in order to spend in this way.  Scary.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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WHAT IS AN ONLINE SCHOOL?

Online education is the fastest growing medium for education in America.  Over 5 million students now go to school online.  Online schools are great for working students, who need flexible hours, and for students who are parents.  Many online schools you haven’t even heard of.  I recently met a man who teaches in the Business School at American Intercontinental University.  He told me that the tuition is about $15,000 a year.  I was shocked to discover the tuition was so high.  The “professor” told me that State universities don’t cost that much more than the online universities these days.

Online universities have been able to attract not only college-age kids, but also adults in their mid-20′s to mid-40′s, who need additional education to pursue their career advancements or switch careers, altogether.  Many online schools feature degrees in education and business, but they really cover the gamut now.  The teachers are required to have the same degrees as with a regular college or university.

ASTOUNDING MARKET SHARE OF ONLINE COLLEGES VS. TRADITIONAL ONES

According to Sloan Consortium and Babson Survey Research Group, in a survey taken recently, almost 5 million students are enrolled in an online course, and the percentage increases are much greater with online education than with regular universities.   The online education industry is a multi-billion dollar industry, and growing in vast numbers.  Today, 11% of online students are full-time, and that number is expected to increase to 20% by 2014.  Masters programs are the most popular form of online education, as adults can more easily juggle their careers, education and home life.

ONLINE EDUCATION SCAMS

Watch out for degree mills.  Online schools can be a fishy business to comparison shop.  It is much harder to determine an online school’s academic reputation than a regular university or college.  Here is what to watch out for:

1. Many online schools have very similar names to well-known colleges and universities
2. The number of courses needed for a degree should be identical for both an online university and a physical university
3. Some online universities make it difficult for an employer to understand the curriculum completed by the student; fake degrees are criminal
4. “Fake” colleges and universities have earned hundreds of millions of dollars in offering fake diplomas
5. If a school offers you credits based on “life experiences” it is possible the school is a scam
6. Get a hard copy of the school’s brochure and read it with a fine-tooth comb to check for anything that doesn’t sound right
7. Ask to speak with the financial aid office–any real university will have one; otherwise, it may not be accredited
8. Scam colleges often use a registered web site that hides the actual registrant
9. Watch out for bogus tests you have to take that count towards your degree
10. Make sure there is an actual telephone number with someone who actually answers the phone

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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